Do your 1:1s feel flat?
Small changes can transform them into meetings you don't want to miss
For many leaders and managers, weekly 1:1s are just part of the calendar wallpaper – a recurring slot with little meaning attached. When they actually happen (and aren’t cancelled…), you chat through a few updates, maybe ask how things are going, and then move on. Some leaders quietly give up on them altogether, believing they don’t add any real value.
But when they’re designed and led with intention, 1:1s are one of the most effective leadership tools you have. They can build trust, deepen understanding, and help people feel genuinely supported.
The shift doesn’t require radical reinvention, but it does require care. In this post we’ll explore the small adjustments that can help your 1:1s deliver real value, and become a crucial part of your team’s effectiveness, not just something you endure.
What’s the issue?
Too often, 1:1s are treated as admin – something to get through, rather than an opportunity to connect. They become status updates in disguise, dominated by short-term delivery conversations or vague “catch-ups” that lack direction.
They’re frequently led entirely by the manager, with little input from the team member. The same questions, the same rhythm, the same surface-level exchange.
The deeper problem? A lack of clarity on what 1:1s are for. And when there’s no clear purpose, no one gets much out of them.
If your 1:1s are rushed, transactional, or inconsistent, those patterns don’t just affect the conversation – they shape the relationship you have with that team member and how you are perceived as a leader.
The real cost of ineffective 1:1s
When 1:1s feel flat, the loss isn’t just wasted time, it’s a missed opportunity for the very things that build high-performing, high-trust teams.
People don’t feel truly seen or heard. It becomes easier to disengage, or to mask how they’re really doing.
Relationships either quietly deteriorate or never get the chance to form meaningfully in the first place.
Feedback gets watered down or delayed. Issues that could have been raised early are instead surfaced too late.
Development conversations take a back seat to delivery.
Over time, people stop bringing curiosity, ideas, or concerns – because they don’t believe the space is designed for it.
And this compounds. When a 1:1 consistently lacks depth or energy, people learn not to expect anything from it – and they stop showing up with energy themselves.
Signs of an ineffective 1:1
You might think your 1:1s are OK, but if any of these apply to you, you might have some work to do:
1:1s are frequently rescheduled or cancelled – often last minute – as soon as something else comes up.
The conversation is led entirely by the leader, with little space for the team member to shape it.
It drifts into status updates that could’ve been shared in a few bullet points over Slack or email.
Every 1:1 feels the same – no variation in tone, content, or focus.
There’s no thread of continuity – things raised one week are never followed up the next.
There’s no explicit check-in on wellbeing, development, or broader context – it’s all task, all the time.
None of these are dramatic failures. But they quietly drain the meeting of its power.
Reframing 1:1s
1:1s shouldn’t feel like performance management in disguise, and they shouldn’t be “done to” your team members, either. The best 1:1s are co-created spaces – places where both participants bring intention, curiosity, and connection.
They’re not just for tracking progress. They’re for building relationships, aligning expectations, surfacing tensions early, and helping people grow.
It helps to think of 1:1s as relational infrastructure: when done well, they create the conditions for better decision-making, stronger communication, and more resilient trust across the team.
They don’t need to be perfect, but they do need to be intentional.
Five ways to improve your 1:1s
You don’t need to start from scratch – but small shifts can make a big difference.
Start with a check-in, not a checklist
Open with a genuine “how are you doing?” and actually listen to the answer. It shifts the tone, immediately. Be patient, and you can always add a “How are you really?” to encourage a less surface level response.Co-own the agenda
Invite your team member to shape the topics. Ask: “What’s on your mind?” or “What would be most useful to cover today?” Don’t assume you know.Vary the focus
Every 1:1 doesn’t need to follow the same script. Mix it up – some weeks focus on delivery, others on development, context, or feedback. That includes feedback both ways, in case you’re wondering.Create a sense of continuity
Note key threads from previous conversations. A shared doc, a few bullet points, or even a mental note followed up with “last time you mentioned…” shows you’re paying attention, and that you care.Ask “meta” questions from time to time
Pause to reflect on the process itself. “How are these 1:1s working for you?” or “What would make them more valuable?” signals openness and builds psychological safety.
1:1s don’t need to be longer. There isn’t a “right” frequency for them. They don’t necessarily need a new template. What they need is you – present, intentional, and open.
Because as a leader, it’s not just what you do that builds trust. It’s how you show up in the small spaces, week after week.
How are your 1:1s? Remember that whether you’re the team member or the manager, you can make a difference. What will you try out to make them (even) better? Add a comment below or hit reply and let me know.
Meme of the week
This both fits this week’s theme, and I actually think it would be a great idea 🤣
Join me for the next Small Stuff, Big Impact workshop
The next Small Stuff Big Impact Workshop will be on 11th June at 12.30pm BST – note the change of date due to an unavoidable clash, just in case you can now make the new time!
I’d love for you to join me, and share this with any of your friends and colleagues who might be interested in attending.
Unlock the hidden power of small, everyday interactions with "Small Stuff, Big Impact: Discover the transformative power of micro-interactions" – this live, online (and complimentary) workshop will introduce you to the world of micro-interactions – those small, seemingly inconsequential moments that have a profound impact on your team’s engagement and performance. If you’re leading or managing others, mastering these moments is essential to building stronger relationships and creating a more motivated, connected team.
In this 60-minute introductory workshop, you will:
🌟 Learn what micro-interactions are and why they matter in leadership.
🌟 Discover how small adjustments in communication, tone, and behaviour can create a ripple effect, transforming your daily interactions into powerful tools for engagement.
🌟 Learn how to translate theory into action – you will leave with practical suggestions to start making subtle but effective changes right away.
Register for your place via this link, and please do share with anyone you know who might like to join.
Places are limited to ensure a truly interactive discussion, so sign up now to avoid missing out.
See you there!
Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week!
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