How to find the hidden gold inside complaints

….by finding out what they really are

Feb 09, 2024

The start of the year often feels like a time full of complaints. January is long, dark, and for many also wet and/or cold. There’s no longer the festive season to look forward to, and spring still feels a long way away.

And what do we do when we aren’t happy with something? We complain. We grumble to ourselves, and we collude with others to agree how bad things are or how frustrated we feel. It can breed a culture of complaints in teams and organisations. I’ve seen it descend into a sort of black humour, but even with that, it is a drag. A constant reminder of everything that’s wrong.

But complaints aren’t all bad. Time to delve a bit deeper.

What actually are complaints?

While the complaint itself is a statement that something is unsatisfactory or unacceptable, what’s behind it is more interesting. When we look a layer deeper, complaints are often:

A request in disguise;
An unmet need;
A piece of feedback;
A thing someone wants to change but feels unable or unwilling to do; or
A request for help.

As a leader these are all valuable pieces of information to us. They point to the things that are getting in the way of our team doing and being at their best. They show the obstacles and frustrations they are facing. If you are hearing complaints that is also on some level a good thing, as it signifies your team are willing to speak up. We’ll come back to how to help them speak up in a more effective way (at least some of the time).

There are two sides to what we can do with complaints.

First: Uncover what’s really behind it and take action.

Talk to your people about what they complain about. Listen. Acknowledge the frustrations. Hear them out. Then use exploratory questions to uncover what they are asking for, and what you and/or they could do about it.

“What would help alleviate that?”

“How could I support you to take action to change that?”

“What could I do to improve that?”

Sometimes all we can do is allow someone to vent and acknowledge the frustration with empathy. But in a lot of situations there is concrete action that you as leader, and/or they as team member can do to change something. Your support and challenge might make the difference in helping move them from complaint to action.

Second: Use it as an opportunity to coach, train and develop your team

One trait of effective leadership is to go through the above process yourself, so you can bypass (or at least move rapidly through) the complaint and into self-inquiry about what you can do about something.

If there is something you can do - do it.

If there isn’t - let it go.

As you’re in these conversations with your team about complaints, especially if they are a habitual complainer, the conversation is also an opportunity to reflect on how they might handle something differently next time. How could they get themselves into a mindset of inquiry about what they could do, rather than wallowing in the complaint (however satisfying that may feel at times!).

Over time, if the committed complainers can start to acknowledge that, and shift their conversations sooner, the tone and culture of the team will make a similar shift. And that makes for a more fun and enjoyable environment to work within.

Everyone complains about the weather, but no one ever seems to do anything about it.
Willard Scott

Sweating the small stuff

This week: What do you complain about?

Whether in your head or out loud, notice what you’re complaining about.

What could you do about it? What are you willing to do about it? If you can’t change it, are you willing to let it go?

Don’t let complaints become corrosive, for yourself or your team.

Let me know how you get on! Comment below and start the conversation.

Small Stuff Big Impact by Sarah Langslow

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