It’s almost time. My first book, Do Sweat the Small Stuff, hits the shelves next Tuesday 9th July. I thought I’d take this opportunity to tell you a bit more about how the book came about, and more importantly, what it’s all about!
So what is the small stuff? And why do I need to sweat it?
Every day, we have hundreds of moments of connection with other humans. From saying good morning, to ordering from a barista, to chats, emails, Teams meetings and smiles (or perhaps eye rolls…) at work, to the gym, coffee shop or wherever else we go. Even if we’re working remotely, and almost all our connection is online, we still connect.
Each one of these moments is what I call a micro-interaction. I believe – and research confirms – that they are the building blocks for our relationships and working culture, and they strongly influence our experience of work, and indeed, of life.
Yet how much attention do we give them? Really?
We live much of our lives in what Daniel Kahnemann called System 1 thinking: fast, automatic, almost involuntary with little thought or intention. But we don’t realise it. We think we’ve considered all relevant factors and are making informed choices. In reality, our minds are riddled with biases, we ignore information that we don't see, and we weigh evidence inappropriately.
This comes through in our micro-interactions. We don’t realise the impact we have through what we say, how and when we say it. We aren’t aware of our listening biases, so don’t realise what we can’t or won’t hear. We don’t take time to think about the tone we set through our habits and behaviours, so don’t understand the messages we are sending out.
Layer on power and authority in leadership, and the impact of the above gets magnified. Our speaking, listening and behaviours have greater meaning because those around us add meaning to them.
Unless we are actively thinking about, noticing and reflecting on our impact, and iterating and adjusting through practice, we may not be having the impact we intend.
Do Sweat the Small Stuff guides you through a process to reflect upon and understand your impact, and then provides practical tools to help you reshape that impact where it may not align with what you intend - in other words, where it doesn’t align with the leader you want to be.
I’ve created a series of videos to introduce the core concepts within the book if you’d like to explore further. The first is below. For the rest, you can find them on my Youtube channel here – if you enjoy it please hit the like button, and you can also click subscribe to be notified when future ones are added!
If you’d like to order your copy of the book, you can do so here:
And, if you’re thinking of ordering the Kindle version, I have a request!
I’m targeting an Amazon bestseller campaign and for that, it would really help if you could purchase the book on 8th July between 10am and 11am local time, wherever you are in the world. Thank you!
The story of Do Sweat the Small Stuff
If you’re interested in hearing more about how the book came about, and it’s journey from idea to shelf, read on! If it’s not your bag, feel free to scroll past…
I’ve wanted to write a book for many years, certainly since I started coaching back in 2016. Like an itch I wanted to scratch, in part because it seemed a cool thing to do (yes, that really was a reason…), and in part to see if I was actually capable of doing it. That, by the way, was something in serious doubt for me. I always saw myself as someone not really able to stick at big, independent projects that were just for me, that I was doing just because I said so. I didn’t think I had the discipline or staying power – the residual bits of this belief mean I still have ongoing slight surprise to find myself at this point now!
Whilst I wanted to write a book, I was equally sure I didn’t want to write one for the sake of it. I knew it was important to me to wait until I had an idea that I felt was worthy of the time and effort, and had the potential to be a good book, something that could deliver real value to others.
The idea first coalesced back in January 2022, on one of the superb Business Book Proposal Challenges run by my publisher Alison Jones (if you’re considering writing a business book, I can’t recommend this enough – more here). That gave me the central idea, that our micro-interactions are core to our leadership, being the building blocks of engagement, trust, relationships and ultimately effective leadership.
Then followed twelve months of me saying to myself I was absolutely definitely going to write it, while in fact doing almost no writing at all! Not helped by the belief I mentioned earlier that I wasn’t capable of writing a book…. Ahhh, our brains really are unhelpful sometimes.
That said, during this time my ideas were marinating, developing, shifting slightly. I had a new title, a slight refocus, and to be honest, a growing frustration with myself for not getting on with it. Because now I knew: I really wanted, even needed, to write this.
So I took a deep breath, and acknowledged what was missing.
Accountability.
Me, by myself, on my own might not get there. Me with structure, support and accountability? That version of me I started to believe could get there, could actually write this thing.
Accountability came in two forms.
First, I started telling everyone that I was writing a book. Initially, this was terrifying. Now, if I didn’t write it, this would be a very, very public failure. The bit I didn’t fully expect was how energising this became. Because everyone I spoke to “got” it. They would start telling their own stories of the moment, the micro-interaction that stuck in their mind, and the impact it had had on them. And they would share their excitement for the concept, the book, and for me. Perhaps this shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did. And it was even more motivating than the fear of public failure. (Note to self for future major endeavours…).
Second, I got back in touch with Alison Jones and asked “Would you like to publish this?” and got a resounding “Yes, we absolutely would!” in return. Another vote of confidence. And, now I had skin in the game with my own money.
Sh*t got real very fast after that. As soon I signed up the book was listed for pre-sale. Yup. Before I’d written any meaningful number of words, you could pre-order Do Sweat the Small Stuff on Amazon. Within a couple of months we had a cover, and I got down to writing.
That part wasn’t simple either. I could tell a lot of stories about the nine month wrestling match that was writing the manuscript. The highs, the lows, the frustration, my spectacular levels of avoidance. The crushing self-doubt, the satisfaction when it started to come together, all of it.
I won’t bore you with all the detail, but I will share that the biggest thing I learnt was what worked for me in my writing process. FIrst, location was key. I simply could not write effectively at my desk. When I stopped fighting that (and judging myself for that) things got much easier, and I discovered some amazing and inspiring places around London to write, like the National Art Library (shown below). How could you fail to be inspired here?
Figuring out my process for chunking down chapters, mapping out on paper, using Scrivener to help with my visual brain all helped too. As did walking. Yes, I did some of my best writing while walking, wandering around London capturing voice notes on my phone to transcribe once I got back to my laptop. Another lesson in going with what works, not fighting it.
Ironically all that seems a long time ago now. The draft went through beta readers (to whom I owe a huge debt of gratitude) and a development editor, before I got it to its final form just before Christmas last year.
This year has been about production. For a first time author, that is an education in itself. Learning about the different stages, what happens when, and ultimately learning the biggest lesson of all – when to let go.
Because for your book to get out in the world, you have to let go. To say: “I’m done” or “It’s ready” however not-done or not-ready it might feel, or however scary declaring that sounds.
So that’s where I find myself. Three days away from the Kindle release, and four days from the main book publication. I’m a bundle of excitement and nerves, interspersed with some exhaustion! As an introvert, both the process of self-promotion and the prospect of sharing a book which has some personal stories in is a lot.
I’m also incredibly proud. Of the book, and of myself. Turns out that story I had that I can’t do big, hard things, is just a story, and isn’t actually true. Who knew…?!
Thanks for indulging this more personal post this week. I hope you take something from the story - I would LOVE to hear what – (click the comment button below). And, I thank each and every one of you for your support.
And finally…
I hope you will join me for the online, worldwide launch of Do Sweat the Small Stuff on 9th July at 4pm BST, 5PM CEST, 11am EST, 8am PST.
The link to sign up is here.
This is really happening… When I next write a Substack I’ll be a published author. Let’s do this!
See you on the next one.
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