Opinions, opinions everywhere...

What to do with them all?

Mar 22, 2024

These days it seems like everyone has an opinion, and (almost) no one is afraid to share it. Whether you’re discussing plans at work, talking to clients or prospective customers, talking to your kids (!), posting or commenting on social media, or simply reading articles on your feed online, opinions are everywhere. And let’s be honest, they aren’t always expressed with much thought or consideration for the human who is on the receiving end.

I’ve been on the receiving end of a few myself recently. This week I had the unexpected experience of one of my LinkedIn posts going viral - something that has been exciting, fascinating and uncomfortable in equal measure (yes, this is a bit of a humble brag…). One consequence of the sheer number of comments posted was being on the receiving end of a lot of opinions from a lot of people about what I’d said, most of whom I didn’t know. Not all of them kind.

So what do you do when you’re receiving a lot of opinions but don’t know what to do with them all?

It can be tempting to dismiss them. It’s my opinion that counts, right? They don’t know me. There’s so many of them, and they conflict, so if I can’t listen to them all I won’t listen to any.

Or you may be tempted to try and take all the opinions on board. Someone has gone to the trouble of sharing, they must be worth listening to, right? I can’t ignore them, that would be rude.

You won’t be surprised to learn that I’d suggest a more nuanced approach!

Most opinions are, essentially, a form of feedback. Perhaps poorly delivered, perhaps not well timed, but nonetheless, feedback.

And feedback is, essentially simply information.

Not an instruction.
Not the truth.
Not right or wrong, correct or incorrect.

Just information. So the task is therefore to decide what to do with that information. Here’s a few suggestions on how to approach it, all of which I’ve been trying to practise myself this week.

One: Drop your defences

When you hear something that feels like criticism, whether intended or not, it is natural to get defensive. However, someone else's opinion of you or something you have done doesn’t actually mean anything about you. It doesn’t change who you are, or what you are capable of. You do not need to defend yourself against anything. When we can stay out of defensiveness, we are more likely to be able to hear the information in a way that it is useful.

Two: Mine for the gold

The valuable information inside feedback (and opinions) doesn’t always arrive all pretty and polished like a gold ring. It might turn up as a grubby nugget, surrounded by bits of mud and rock that needs cleaning up and separating out to get to the gold in the middle. Sit with what you’ve heard without feeling an immediate need to respond. If you’re in person and you need to ask for the time to do that, then do. Try to distil out the core message within it that has potential value to you.

Three: Consider the message neutrally

That core message gives you information on someone else’s perception of you, or something you have done. That is always a valuable insight into how others experience you. Reflect on that, without making any decision or taking any action. Be curious, be interested, and stay unattached.

Four: Choose to act (or not)

You don’t have to act (if you do, it isn’t really feedback, it is an instruction!). Based on your reflection, make a choice. I’m not advocating to ignore lots of feedback, I use the gold metaphor for a reason! And, use it thoughtfully and intentionally, rather than because you think you should or you have to.

And if in doubt, consider the wisdom of the great Tim Minchin:

“A famous bon mot asserts that opinions are like arse-holes, in that everyone has one. There is great wisdom in this, but I would add that opinions differ significantly from arse-holes, in that [they] should be constantly and thoroughly examined.”
Tim Minchin

Sweating the Small Stuff

This week: Examine your own opinions.

Think about the three people you work with most. What do you “know” to be true about them? What are they good at, bad at, unreliable for?

Challenge those opinions. Because when they become fixed, we stop paying attention, and behave as if they can never change. That only reinforces the opinions themselves - something that isn’t helpful if we want to embrace growth and possibility.

To borrow the other half of the quote above:

“We must think critically, and not just about the ideas of others. Be hard on your beliefs. Take them out onto the verandah and beat them with a cricket bat. Be intellectually rigorous. Identify your biases, your prejudices, your privilege”
Tim Minchin

Book update!

Do Sweat the Small Stuff continues to work its way through the production process. I’ve just finished the somewhat painful copy editing process, where I’m starting to understand what authors mean when they say that by publication, they are completely sick of their own book!

On a more exciting note, the typesetting design is now finalised and the typesetters are currently transforming the Word version into a first set of proofs. This will be the first time I see my words and illustrations laid out as they will ultimately look in their printed form, which will be a big step to this feeling even more real.

The other thing I’m up to is starting to put together my Street Team. This is a group of friends and supporters who are interested to see a bit behind the scenes of the process of publishing, and who would like to help me spread the word around publication day in July. More on this in my next newsletter, including a few exciting things I can offer you to say thank you - but if you already know you’re keen to get involved, drop a comment below and let me know!

Come join in the conversation, send me your comments, ideas, questions - and opinions! - via the buttom below.

Small Stuff Big Impact by Sarah Langslow

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