Riding the wave of self-doubt

It will pass. You can fight it or you can ride it. Your choice.

Nov 10, 2023

I shared with one of my clients this week about a recent moment of self-doubt, and they expressed huge surprise. As if because I’m a coach I somehow have it all figured out and never experience it. I wish!

So I thought it might be helpful to share a bit more and talk about how I work through it myself, in the hope it is helpful to you.

A couple of weeks ago I sent the beta draft of my book to my development editor, and at the same time, I sent it to a group of so-called beta readers for their feedback. They’re a mix of target readers and experts in the field, and they’re a set of people whose opinions and ideas I really respect.

When I pressed send, I felt a whole range of feelings. Definitely some apprehension, as it would be the first time anyone other than me had read it. Understandably, I wanted them to like it, and to think it was good. The main feeling however, was one of relief. I’d made it. I’d hit my deadline. I’d written a book. (This still surprises me by the way :) ). I promised myself a full week away from the manuscript. I needed to take some time away from it to re-energise myself for the next phase.

Over the course of that seven days a really interesting thing happened. Day one I had some pangs of doubt, but deep down I was confident it was OK. Sure, it needs work, but it was basically solid.

By day three or four the doubts were getting much louder, and by day seven a part of me was completely convinced it was terrible. Embarrassingly bad. I’d sent this thing out to a group of people I respect and trashed my reputation in the process.

So how did I handle this?

First, I acknowledged the fears. It was always going to be like this when I put it out in the world. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong. This allowed me to feel compassion for the part of me that was scared.
Second, I tried to create some separation. By looking in on myself from the outside, so to speak, I could separate the feelings from the facts.
Third, I worked on quieting that voice and amplifying the other voice which was saying “it’s fine, stop worrying, this is part of the process”.
And finally, I resisted the urge to reopen the manuscript and check. I wanted to practice simply knowing in myself that it was fine, rather than needing to validate.

It wasn’t about trying to remove the fear and self-doubt, but to allow it to exist without letting it take over.

Try it for yourself when you find yourself in a moment of self-doubt. Acknowledge the emotion. Create separation. Listen to the other voice (even when it’s really quiet). Practice simply being with it all.

And know that it is a wave. It will pass. You can fight it or you can ride it. I know which I prefer.

Sweating the small stuff

This week: Get what you need for your emotions

Building on the suggestion in the last newsletter, when you are aware of an emotion that is affecting you, check in with yourself what you need and act. Whether that is a ten minute walk outside, or a glass of water, or simply ten deep breaths, do it. It’s far better to take action to reset yourself than to push through, because it will always leak out. And if that means rescheduling a call or delaying a meeting, then so be it. Better that than the unintended consequences of not handling it.

Let me know your thoughts or join the conversation by leaving a comment below.

Small Stuff Big Impact by Sarah Langslow

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